自由的爱：放爱一条生路
The other day as I talked with a friend I recalled a story that I heard this summer%26#46; "A compassionate person, seeing a butterfly struggling to free itself from its cocoon, and wanting to help, very gently loosened the filaments to form an opening%26#46; The butterfly was freed, emerged from the cocoon, and fluttered about but could not fly%26#46; What the compassionate person did not know was that only through the birth struggle can the wings grow strong enough for flight%26#46; Its shortened life was spent on the ground; it never knew freedom, never really lived%26#46;"
I call it learning to love with an open hand%26#46; It is a learning which has come slowly to me and has been wrought in the fires of pain and in the waters of patience%26#46; I am learning that I must free the one I love, for if I clutch or cling, try to control, I lose what I try to hold%26#46;
If I try to change someone I love because I feel I know how that person should be, I rob him or her of a precious right, the right to take responsibility for one's own life and choices and way of being%26#46; Whenever I impose my wish or want or try to exert power over another, I rob him or her of the full realization of growth and maturation%26#46; I limit and prevent by my act of possession, no matter how kind my intention%26#46;
I can limit and injure by the kindest acts of protection or concern%26#46; Over extended it can say to the other person more eloquently than words, "You are unable to care for yourself; I must take care of you because you are mine%26#46; I am responsible for you%26#46;"
As I learn and practice more and more, I can say to the one I love: "I love you, I value you, I respect you and I trust that you have the strength to become all that it is possible for you to become — if I don't get in your way%26#46; I love you so much that I can set you free to walk beside me in joy and in sadness%26#46; I will share your tears but I will not ask you not to cry%26#46; I will respond to your needs%26#46; I will care and comfort you, but I will not hold you up when you can walk alone%26#46; I will stand ready to be with you in your grief and loneliness but I will not take it away from you%26#46; I will strive to listen to your meaning as well as your word, but I shall not always agree%26#46; Sometimes I will be angry and when I am, I will try to tell you openly so that I need not hate our differences or feel estranged%26#46; I can not always be with you or hear what you say for there are times when I must listen to myself and care for myself, and when that happens I will be as honest with you as I can be%26#46;"
I am learning to say this, whether it be in words or in my way of being with others and myself, to those I love and for whom I care%26#46; And this I call loving with an open hand%26#46;
I cannot always keep my hands off the cocoon, but I am getting better at it!
中文：
前几天和一位朋友闲聊时，我想起今年夏天听到的一个故事：“有个人很富有同情心，看到一只蝴蝶拼命挣扎想冲破茧的束缚，就帮了个忙，轻轻地解开茧丝使其露出一个缺口。蝴蝶得到解放，从茧中出来振翅欲飞，然而却飞不起来。这位富有同情心的人所不知道的是，只有经过挣扎破茧而出，翅膀才能变得强壮，可以飞翔。这只蝴蝶短暂的生命只能在地上度过了，它从未尝过自由的滋味，没有真正享受过生活。”
我把它叫做学会放爱一条生路。这个教训经历了痛苦的锻造和耐心的洗礼，我才逐渐认识到。我学会了必须给所爱的人自由，如果我抓得太紧、紧握不放、设法控制，结果可能会失去他们。
如果我试图改变所爱的人，仅仅因为我觉得他/她应该这样，就等于是掠夺了他/她的一项珍贵的权利，即他/她对自己生命的责任权和生活方式的选择权。无论何时我把自己的意志和权力强加给别人，都会导致他/她无法完全成长和成熟。无论我的意图多么善良，我的控制行为还是限制和阻碍了他们。
即使保护或关心这种最善意的行为也会限制和伤害别人。“你无法照顾自己，我必须照顾你，因为你是我的，我要对你负责。”对别人说这么动人的语言远远超越了你的权力。
随着我学习和锻炼的增多，现在我会这样告诉我爱的人：“我爱你、珍惜你、尊重你，我相信你有足够的实力发展成为你想要成为的人——如果我不阻碍你的话。我是那么爱你，所以我给你自由，和我共享欢乐与悲伤。我会和你一起流泪，但我不会要求你停止哭泣。我会满足你的需要，关心你、安慰你，但在你能够独立行走时我不会阻挡你。我会时刻准备好，在你悲伤和孤独时站到你身边，但我不会把你的悲伤和孤独带走。我会尽力理解你的话语及其中涵义，但不会总是赞同。有时我会生气，当我生气时，我会尽量坦率地告诉你，这样我就不会对我们之间的分歧怀恨于心，产生疏远的感觉。我无法时刻与你在一起，或者听你诉说，因为有时我需要倾听自己，关心自己，当这些发生时，我会尽量告诉你。”
对于那些我所爱和所关心的人，我正在学习这样表达，无论是用语言，还是用我对待他人及自己的方式，我把这种方式叫做放爱一条生路。
我不会总把双手从茧的身旁移开，但我正在逐渐进步！
自由的爱：放爱一条生路
The other day as I talked with a friend I recalled a story that I heard this summer%26#46; "A compassionate person, seeing a butterfly struggling to free itself from its cocoon, and wanting to help, very gently loosened the filaments to form an opening%26#46; The butterfly was freed, emerged from the cocoon, and fluttered about but could not fly%26#46; What the compassionate person did not know was that only through the birth struggle can the wings grow strong enough for flight%26#46; Its shortened life was spent on the ground; it never knew freedom, never really lived%26#46;"
I call it learning to love with an open hand%26#46; It is a learning which has come slowly to me and has been wrought in the fires of pain and in the waters of patience%26#46; I am learning that I must free the one I love, for if I clutch or cling, try to control, I lose what I try to hold%26#46;
If I try to change someone I love because I feel I know how that person should be, I rob him or her of a precious right, the right to take responsibility for one's own life and choices and way of being%26#46; Whenever I impose my wish or want or try to exert power over another, I rob him or her of the full realization of growth and maturation%26#46; I limit and prevent by my act of possession, no matter how kind my intention%26#46;
I can limit and injure by the kindest acts of protection or concern%26#46; Over extended it can say to the other person more eloquently than words, "You are unable to care for yourself; I must take care of you because you are mine%26#46; I am responsible for you%26#46;"
As I learn and practice more and more, I can say to the one I love: "I love you, I value you, I respect you and I trust that you have the strength to become all that it is possible for you to become — if I don't get in your way%26#46; I love you so much that I can set you free to walk beside me in joy and in sadness%26#46; I will share your tears but I will not ask you not to cry%26#46; I will respond to your needs%26#46; I will care and comfort you, but I will not hold you up when you can walk alone%26#46; I will stand ready to be with you in your grief and loneliness but I will not take it away from you%26#46; I will strive to listen to your meaning as well as your word, but I shall not always agree%26#46; Sometimes I will be angry and when I am, I will try to tell you openly so that I need not hate our differences or feel estranged%26#46; I can not always be with you or hear what you say for there are times when I must listen to myself and care for myself, and when that happens I will be as honest with you as I can be%26#46;"
I am learning to say this, whether it be in words or in my way of being with others and myself, to those I love and for whom I care%26#46; And this I call loving with an open hand%26#46;
I cannot always keep my hands off the cocoon, but I am getting better at it!
中文：
前几天和一位朋友闲聊时，我想起今年夏天听到的一个故事：“有个人很富有同情心，看到一只蝴蝶拼命挣扎想冲破茧的束缚，就帮了个忙，轻轻地解开茧丝使其露出一个缺口。蝴蝶得到解放，从茧中出来振翅欲飞，然而却飞不起来。这位富有同情心的人所不知道的是，只有经过挣扎破茧而出，翅膀才能变得强壮，可以飞翔。这只蝴蝶短暂的生命只能在地上度过了，它从未尝过自由的滋味，没有真正享受过生活。”
我把它叫做学会放爱一条生路。这个教训经历了痛苦的锻造和耐心的洗礼，我才逐渐认识到。我学会了必须给所爱的人自由，如果我抓得太紧、紧握不放、设法控制，结果可能会失去他们。
如果我试图改变所爱的人，仅仅因为我觉得他/她应该这样，就等于是掠夺了他/她的一项珍贵的权利，即他/她对自己生命的责任权和生活方式的选择权。无论何时我把自己的意志和权力强加给别人，都会导致他/她无法完全成长和成熟。无论我的意图多么善良，我的控制行为还是限制和阻碍了他们。
即使保护或关心这种最善意的行为也会限制和伤害别人。“你无法照顾自己，我必须照顾你，因为你是我的，我要对你负责。”对别人说这么动人的语言远远超越了你的权力。
随着我学习和锻炼的增多，现在我会这样告诉我爱的人：“我爱你、珍惜你、尊重你，我相信你有足够的实力发展成为你想要成为的人——如果我不阻碍你的话。我是那么爱你，所以我给你自由，和我共享欢乐与悲伤。我会和你一起流泪，但我不会要求你停止哭泣。我会满足你的需要，关心你、安慰你，但在你能够独立行走时我不会阻挡你。我会时刻准备好，在你悲伤和孤独时站到你身边，但我不会把你的悲伤和孤独带走。我会尽力理解你的话语及其中涵义，但不会总是赞同。有时我会生气，当我生气时，我会尽量坦率地告诉你，这样我就不会对我们之间的分歧怀恨于心，产生疏远的感觉。我无法时刻与你在一起，或者听你诉说，因为有时我需要倾听自己，关心自己，当这些发生时，我会尽量告诉你。”
对于那些我所爱和所关心的人，我正在学习这样表达，无论是用语言，还是用我对待他人及自己的方式，我把这种方式叫做放爱一条生路。
我不会总把双手从茧的身旁移开，但我正在逐渐进步！